Institutional Humorist Gifts

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

Ethics exam cheater.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'So what are you studying, young man?'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'