Institutional Living Humor Gifts

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Turtle Trailer Court

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

Talk the talk...

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

The Pi Advantage

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"