Institutional Living Humor Gifts

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Talk the talk...

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

The Pi Advantage

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

'Son, meet Hard Luck Sammy Fleabeard. He had the same major you're about to declare.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."