Insomniac Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh man, really shouldn't have had that coffee in June,'

'One illegal sheep movement...two illegal sheep movement...three illegal...'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Crime in bookshop

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

Men Working Things Out

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

Cat reading Rommel biography.

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'Money can't buy happiness, Sims, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you a bottle of prozac.'