Insomnia Club Member Gifts

"Sleep? No, I'm the anxiety fairy. How about a cuppa joe?"

When animal cloners suffer from insomnia.

Counting ribs

Dog Nightmares

"Try thinking about something else."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

The Forever Stamp

Center For Sleep Deprivation

'zzz sleep.'

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

'Sure I sleep all day. She snores all night.'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

"Goodnight cerebellum, goodnight hippocampus, goodnight little neurons that jump to synapses, goodnight medulla, prefrontal cortex, with the pills that I take it won't be complex."

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

"Before I prescribe a sleeping pill, I'd like you to try the opera."

Cats. All they do is eat and sleep. Truth is, they don't even do that well.

"Hello dear- couldn't you sleep either?"

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

Overnight Programming

'Insomnia, eh? -- Drink a glass of warm milk and watch some C-Span.'

"My nose whistling is keeping me awake all night."

Vegan Insomnia

Cactus Alarm.

"If you can't sleep you may as well be productive and guard the meth lab."

"I had to switch to tea, coffee was keeping me up all day."

"We'd like you to invest in alternative energy. It's called sleep."

"Perhaps you slept SLOWER than usual..."

Sleeping artist has been painting picture of sheep.

"You up? You also couldn't sleep.."

"Damn! I STILL can't sleep!"

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

'I can't sleep, knowing that the increased cost of doing business is being passed on to me!'