Insomnia Club Member Gifts

"Sleep? No, I'm the anxiety fairy. How about a cuppa joe?"

When animal cloners suffer from insomnia.

Counting ribs

"Try thinking about something else."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

The Forever Stamp

'Sure I sleep all day. She snores all night.'

'zzz sleep.'

Center For Sleep Deprivation

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

"Goodnight cerebellum, goodnight hippocampus, goodnight little neurons that jump to synapses, goodnight medulla, prefrontal cortex, with the pills that I take it won't be complex."

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

"Before I prescribe a sleeping pill, I'd like you to try the opera."

Cats. All they do is eat and sleep. Truth is, they don't even do that well.

"Hello dear- couldn't you sleep either?"

'Insomnia, eh? -- Drink a glass of warm milk and watch some C-Span.'

Overnight Programming

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"My nose whistling is keeping me awake all night."

Vegan Insomnia

Cactus Alarm.

"Perhaps you slept SLOWER than usual..."

"Damn! I STILL can't sleep!"

"I had to switch to tea, coffee was keeping me up all day."

"You up? You also couldn't sleep.."

"We'd like you to invest in alternative energy. It's called sleep."

Sleeping artist has been painting picture of sheep.

"If you can't sleep you may as well be productive and guard the meth lab."

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

Artists paints sheep jumping over a fence to get sleepy.

Why am I ironing at 2am? I wish I could just roll over and go to sleep!

'I can't sleep, knowing that the increased cost of doing business is being passed on to me!'