Insomnia Club Gifts

"What do you do when you can't sleep?"

"If you can't sleep you may as well be productive and guard the meth lab."

Counting ribs

"Try thinking about something else."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

The Forever Stamp

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

Center For Sleep Deprivation

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'Sure I sleep all day. She snores all night.'

'zzz sleep.'

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

"Goodnight cerebellum, goodnight hippocampus, goodnight little neurons that jump to synapses, goodnight medulla, prefrontal cortex, with the pills that I take it won't be complex."

"Before I prescribe a sleeping pill, I'd like you to try the opera."

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

Cats. All they do is eat and sleep. Truth is, they don't even do that well.

"Hello dear- couldn't you sleep either?"

Overnight Programming

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

'Insomnia, eh? -- Drink a glass of warm milk and watch some C-Span.'

Vegan Insomnia

"Sleep? No, I'm the anxiety fairy. How about a cuppa joe?"

"Perhaps you slept SLOWER than usual..."

Sleeping artist has been painting picture of sheep.

"Damn! I STILL can't sleep!"

"We'd like you to invest in alternative energy. It's called sleep."

"I had to switch to tea, coffee was keeping me up all day."

When animal cloners suffer from insomnia.

Cactus Alarm.

"You up? You also couldn't sleep.."

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

Why am I ironing at 2am? I wish I could just roll over and go to sleep!

'I can't sleep, knowing that the increased cost of doing business is being passed on to me!'

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."