Inside Joker Gifts

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Get crazy once in a while

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"Remind me again, is it Accounting or IT that handles issues related to online solitaire?"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Check zombies.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'