Inside Joker Pillows

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Get crazy once in a while

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Check zombies.

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."