Inner Voice Tamer Gifts

Maybe you have cancer. - 'Why would I have cancer?' - 'Why would you not have cancer?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Maybe I have cancer.' - '' -

They hated me.

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

Psychiatry. I got in touch with my inner child, and now I'm going broke buying video games!

'I'd say you're a little late...'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'He left for the office in a bit of a temper!'

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

Getting Rid of the Cure

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'OK, Connor. Tell me about this big, scary monster that you feel is under your bed at night.'

"Kid, I'm begging you, please stop farting."

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

"Listen to your inner voice...unless it tells you not to listen to me."

Computer Time Bomb.

'There's a real reason that I hate Google, but right at this moment I forget what that is.'

"Hello? IT support? I think my hard drive is fragmented."

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

'On','Off', and 'Maybe' switches.

'I'm beginning to think email stands for 'endless mail'.'

'What do you mean, you were here first?'