Info Humorist Gifts

The Too-Much Information Age: 'Sure I've googled myself, not that it's any of your business...I mean who hasn't? But that's not what it was called when I was a kid...'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Dog Walking Services

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Jurassic Parking Lot