Infertility Gifts

'Wally - guess what? You can stop worrying about getting me pregnant...'

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

IVF assessment centre.

"It's perfect for starting a family."

Pregnancy Test

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

Three Parent Baby

"So, how long have you been trying?"

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'And for Pete's sake, let's cut out out all this artificial insemination.'

Fertility Center.

'I warned you that the fertility drugs might have side effects.'

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

'Last one in is a rotten egg.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, but these pills you have to take come in a child-proof bottle.'

'Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?'

You're expecting twins. What! I wanted a least triplets!

Science and mothers day

Sperm Bank: Penetrations...Withdrawals.

"In brief, we'll stimulate your ovaries with daily medications or hormones, perform an oocyte retrieval at the hospital, incubate the eggs in a petri dish at the laboratory, and then sit back and let nature take its course"

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'