Infertility Gifts

'Wally - guess what? You can stop worrying about getting me pregnant...'

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

IVF assessment centre.

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

Pregnancy Test

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"So, how long have you been trying?"

Three Parent Baby

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

'I warned you that the fertility drugs might have side effects.'

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'And for Pete's sake, let's cut out out all this artificial insemination.'

Fertility Center.

'Don't take this the wrong way, but these pills you have to take come in a child-proof bottle.'

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

"In brief, we'll stimulate your ovaries with daily medications or hormones, perform an oocyte retrieval at the hospital, incubate the eggs in a petri dish at the laboratory, and then sit back and let nature take its course"

You're expecting twins. What! I wanted a least triplets!

Science and mothers day

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."

'Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?'

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'