Unable To Conceive Gifts

"We only adopted the cat after discovering we were unable to have one of our own."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Mother Goose Timeshare

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

The unforgiving tree

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

Milk sideburns

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

'Sorry Mrs Jones, but they're unlikely to raise the age to 13.'

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

Why you must go to work

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

'I don't know, son. I suppose the three little kittens and the three little pigs drew straws.'

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

Loving family

"So, how long have you been trying?"

Pregnancy Test

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

Husband and Child in Pram

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

'And we offer a discount for bulk purchases' - salesman selling babygrows to the old woman who lived in a shoe.

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."