Unable To Conceive Pillows

"We only adopted the cat after discovering we were unable to have one of our own."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

Mother Goose Timeshare

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

The unforgiving tree

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

Milk sideburns

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

'Sorry Mrs Jones, but they're unlikely to raise the age to 13.'

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Why you must go to work

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

"So, how long have you been trying?"

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

Husband and Child in Pram

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

'I don't know, son. I suppose the three little kittens and the three little pigs drew straws.'

Loving family

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

Pregnancy Test

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

'And we offer a discount for bulk purchases' - salesman selling babygrows to the old woman who lived in a shoe.

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."