Having Children Gifts

'No, I didn't download you off the internet, I gave birth to you. End of discussion!'

Why you must go to work

"Advantage, Mom."

"They grow up so fast!"

"We found we really missed going to the theatre and eating in nice restaurants, so we gave our kids away."

"I know I shouldn't let them have so much screen time, but how else am I supposed o get anything done?"

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

'You do realise we're either going to have to get married, have children or take up a joint hobby.'

'Have you ever noticed? - People who don't have kids tend to talk a lot about their money.'

"Congratulations...it's a lifestyle choice."

"Don't you think we've done enough 'begetting'?"

Mother Goose Timeshare

"Yes, we have three children. Their names are time guzzler, career killer, and cost factor."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

I like the Jets...I guess

Wildlife

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Santa Claus's Mail

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"