Having A Child Gifts

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

'...The world does revolve around our child!'

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'It's our 10 year plan.'

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

"My son's only a year old and he's been walking for 3 months..."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'If you really loved me you'd never have called me Euthanasia!'

Milk sideburns

"Tommy next door just kissed me, Mom...does that mean I'm going to get pregnant too?"

"Talk about pressure. My parent's started a college fund."

Family Budgets

"60 hours a week? I work 100 hour weeks... I'm a housewife with kids."

Loving family

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

"Roy and I weren't going to have children, but then we decided we need someone for tech support as we age."

'You should apply for government relief. Your room is a disaster area!'

'I don't know, son. I suppose the three little kittens and the three little pigs drew straws.'

'And we offer a discount for bulk purchases' - salesman selling babygrows to the old woman who lived in a shoe.

MEN, WOMEN, 'What are KIDS supposed to do?'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

Husband and Child in Pram

'You're clever - but miserly.'

"And they lived happily ever after. Or so it would seem ??" after they were forced to sign a nondisclosure agreement."

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

And now, by rule, mommy get to read you a story with an opposing moral.

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

What are you going to do with him? He drew all over the papyrus again instead of on the wall.

See, no monster under your bed

The unforgiving tree

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."