Having A Baby Gifts

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism. Kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"The genetic engineers gave him that birthmark as part of a sponsership deal."

'Let me go over your symptoms again; you have a 'gugu' and you're feeling a little 'bugaga'.'

'She's in training.'

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'

'We need nappies for you and nappies for me.'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Apprehensive about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, Michelle scales back her romantic dinner with Al.

Maternity ward.

When More Government Is A Good Thing

'We exchanged our disposable income for disposable diapers.'

'Something tells me he's going to be a basketball player.'

'We've got pretty much everything we need except someone to pay for college.'

Parents sleeping with a new baby.

Baby with projectile vomit

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

'Get her a teddy bear I said, not a bear in a teddy!'

'Seriously? You might want to throw a bit of pink on that to help people out.'

Toxic waste

'Go right in, but I must warn you she's quite upset that you're so late.'

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

Big Mother is Watching You

'While you were in the hospital having our fullback, uh...firstborn, I decorated this room.'

BABY BOOK VOLUME XIV

'Dad's always wanting to take pictures. it's so hard to smile with your mouth full.'

'Since we couldn't afford health care insurance, we induced labor in our car so our auto insurance would cover any maternity costs.'

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

Just one last push! It's like a scene from alien...

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"Can you play with him for a while? His battery died."

'Would the father like to gnaw through the umbilical cord?'

"Sorry. He's been cursing like that ever since we put him in that little sailor suit."