Having Young Children Gifts

"A five, six, seven, eight, Mooooom!"

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

Mother Goose Timeshare

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

The unforgiving tree

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Milk sideburns

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"At least she's reading."

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

Pinata good bags.

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

Why you must go to work

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'