Having Young Children Pillows

"A five, six, seven, eight, Mooooom!"

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

Mother Goose Timeshare

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

The unforgiving tree

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Milk sideburns

"At least she's reading."

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

Why you must go to work

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

Loving family