Raising Young Children Pillows

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

Grounded

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"At least she's reading."

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

Early Night Club

'Quick! Look cute!'

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

"We couldn't find a sitter."

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.