Raising Children Pillows

"I thought we agreed not to fight in front of the children."

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'I'm getting sleepy. Can you text me the remainder of the story?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"We can't leave her with my parents! Do you want her to turn out like me?"

'Don't play the fool with me, Son.'

Okay, little miss I-Hate-Everything-We're-Having-For-Dinner, do want the pouting or non-pouting section?

"I need some answers, people."

"I don't want to do something fun for free, I want to do something fun we pay for."

'You know this belt I've been using to punish the kids? It can also be used to hold up my pants!'

Bad, Bad Boy!

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Responsibility

"Can Ethan come out to swipe and scroll?"

"They grow up so quickly."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Bond James, Bond."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'