Infant Instructor Gifts

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

A midwife holding a baby

'The child is very illogical'

Doughboy Dad

Kirsten Johnson

"They look so young and helpless."

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

Who's a cutey?

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

'It's for cutting and pasting.'

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

"Pal, you're a guitar lesson flyer in a math tutor part of town."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."