Infant Instructor T-Shirts

Hey, anyone? I'd like some attention. Waaaaa!! You okay, baby? Now I see how this works.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

A midwife holding a baby

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

'The child is very illogical'

Doughboy Dad

Kirsten Johnson

"They look so young and helpless."

'Leadership training.'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Who's a cutey?

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"This is a teaching hospital."

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

'It's for cutting and pasting.'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"Pal, you're a guitar lesson flyer in a math tutor part of town."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."