Indulgent Dieter Gifts

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Dessert

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Bangers and Mash

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

"He's really healthy, except for the grilled cheese."

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

"He tried intermittent fasting. But settled on continual slowing."

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

Supermarket Aisles.

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

Naughty Food

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

"Did you folks enjoy your 'death by chocolate'?"

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'Is it organic?'

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'