Indulgent Foodie Gifts

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

"How come mom never fixes cake and ice cream for breakfast like you do, Dad?"

'I'm new in town, and looking for a what-the-hell-you-only-live-once doctor...'

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

Dessert

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

Make your resolutions achievable.

Woman thinking about luxuries.

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

'Therapy?'

In Case of Emergency: Dark Chocolate

"Gucci Firenze 1921"

It's National Pie Day! Let's celebrate.

'Compliments to the chef from tables eight and nine, raves from bables twelve and fourteen, and proposals of marriage from tables seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

Bangers and Mash

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

"I found this fabulous new shop."

"He's really healthy, except for the grilled cheese."

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

Fine candies: Healthy eating is our no. '6' concern.

Pasta, Cookies, Antacids.

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

We'll have the Christmas feast for one. She means for two. He'll have a small bowl of cold oatmeal. No I won't! I'll have that Christmas feast! The turkey … the stuffing, the yams, the pumpkin pie a la mode with whipped cream, the extra-thick, brandy-infused eggnogg, the cranberry sauce, the succulent ham ... the reindeer jerky, the frosted sugar cookies with butter flakes, and the noose-shaped chocolate cupcakes with cheese filling. He'll have half a saltine cracker. You know what the doctors s

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."