Dieting Delighter Gifts

M.D. If you really want to lose weight, you should switch back to the hook.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Shrink

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Buy them - and never look back."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

Woman and scales.

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Doctor to pig: 'You've been pigging out on pan pizzas, eh? I'm taking you off square meals.'