Indulgent Dieter Pillows

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

Dessert

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

Bangers and Mash

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

"He's really healthy, except for the grilled cheese."

Supermarket Aisles.

"He tried intermittent fasting. But settled on continual slowing."

'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

'Is it organic?'

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

Naughty Food

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

'If I collapse there's a cherry danish in my lunchbox.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'