Improvised Café Goer Gifts

'I hear the buses aren't running today.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Customers must wash hands after using their laptops.

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"I wish he'd hurry up. My back's killing me."

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

"Well, they'd give you a pickle with your coffee if you ordered the Cafe Reuben!"

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"I secretly put decaf in my office coffeemaker so all of my coworkers work at my speed.'

"So what exactly is wrong with the teabag? Nobody else has complained about it!"

Awning for Customer Use Only

"If you can safeguard this punch card for half a decade, you get a free coffee."

"We don't serve food here, we only photograph it..."

protecting keyboard from drink

Lunch at the Carlsbad Caverns.

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

"Soup of the day."

Original Rory's - Under New MGMT.

"Let's see... I think we'll ignore our food, lick ourselves, then knock these flowers onto the floor."

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

Home of the Bottomless Cup of Coffee

Hipster and his beard in a mug.

Buy, Sell, or Trade - Leftovers Cafe.

"Sorry, but we're the other kind of cat cafe."

"Tall and full-bodied...and really chocolaty brown too...if she gets me all nervous and excited, even better!"