Immigration Humorist Gifts

Just married to get into the country.

"I'm not illegal, I am expediting my immigration status."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Where's my horse?'

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"Word has it Earthlings have been using some of our people for cruel scientific experiments."

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

After purchasing a smartphone with advanced GPS, Mitch pinpoints his current location and realizes that within the past 25 years he had never really moved one inch in either direction.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"If you hurry, you can make the matinée."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

'He has his father's feet.'

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

"I forget the difference - is this a crocodile or a litigator?"

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

News and Magazines. Legal News. A defendant was freed by a loophole in a law. The statute of liberty.

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

Baggage Reclaim