Immigration Humorist Gifts

Just married to get into the country.

"I'm not illegal, I am expediting my immigration status."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Where's my horse?'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

Inappropriate horse whispering.

After purchasing a smartphone with advanced GPS, Mitch pinpoints his current location and realizes that within the past 25 years he had never really moved one inch in either direction.

"If you hurry, you can make the matinée."

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

'He has his father's feet.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

Baggage Reclaim

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"