Visa Humorist Gifts

You've only got a three month visa, but I suspect you intend to stay six months!

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Camping holidays in the British summer.

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

'One carry-on!'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'Squint your eyes and grit your teeth so I can make sure it's you.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"It's obviously an original."

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

Art Museum: Our exhibit of forgotten masters continues with What's His Name...

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Are we broke yet?'

Swearing and fighting in a caravan

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

"It's easy being a congressman once you let go of your grip of reality."

Baggage Reclaim

'You're messing with my head.'

Thinking about TV.

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

"My conceptual artwork - documented in these photographs - consists of my going on a bus to cleveland, buying a blue hat, putting three feathers on it, and throwing it off a bridge in Michigan."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Dad helping to build sand castle while tent remains un-erected.

"Baxter, I'm doing an online course in delegating and I want you to sit the exam for me."