Expat Humorists Gifts

'Originally Kartoffelkopf, but my grandfather changed it when he immigrated,'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"My guess it's guacamole."

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

After purchasing a smartphone with advanced GPS, Mitch pinpoints his current location and realizes that within the past 25 years he had never really moved one inch in either direction.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Newton discovers surrealism

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

Business acquaintances on holiday

"Well that's just great!! I guess we really are flightless birds now!!"

The Chippendales go through airport security.

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

Robot porn.

Born Cynical,,,,

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

People Holidaying in the Highlands

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

"His schlock has gravitas."