Imaginative Humor Lover Gifts

The Miller's new monsters-under-the-bed access panel helped them to keep their 5-year old from jumping out of bed.'

Albert Einstein

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"You are still here."

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

The worm that churned!

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"I've deregulated Arthur, but he still doesn't run very efficiently."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"Look! A sushi bar!"

IT security.

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Healthy Eating Casualties

"Care for an oxymoron?"

Banana

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

New anti-obesity cookbook.