Ironic Humor Lover Gifts

Have a day.

"Did you hire a consultant? I didn't hire a consultant."

'He kept changing his will. In the end, it all went to legal fees.'

The Dying Art of Storytelling

"Hey, I love what you've done with the office."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Oh, just send it the cheapest way.'

'I stopped to smell the flowers. Where's my inhaler?'

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

'Does it look like we need internet-access?'

"I have this fantasy of everyone else in my life reinventing themselves."

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

"Sorry it late. I forgot"

"Which is the best variety for sitting around and eventually rotting because you don't even like apples, you just wanted to do something 'fallish'"?

Fountain of Youth and Fountain of Smart.

'It's another sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week.'

Anti-war protestors ogling a woman with 'war' emblazoned across her chest.

Love! - Peace! - "This is my corner, you @#!*!#!"

Public footpath on a desert island.

"Perfect. Kate and Eli are suckers for bold graphics."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

'Don't worry, you're not alone. There are millions of insignificant, boring, ineffectual people like you.'

'Ladies first.'

Those untraceable performance enhancing drugs you got me...I can't find them!

'I collect exercise videos...Every evening I have cheesecake and hot chocolate while I watch them.'

"Ironically all the guys from the hunting lodge were on the 'Nice' list."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"Leave those,dear - I bought some at the supermarket."

'Tell me about your last job.'

'I want you to go vegetarian.'

'The food is horrible - it's just like being back home!'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"Happy Valentine's day!"