Ironic Humor Lover Gifts

Have a day.

"Did you hire a consultant? I didn't hire a consultant."

'He kept changing his will. In the end, it all went to legal fees.'

The Dying Art of Storytelling

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"Hey, I love what you've done with the office."

'Oh, just send it the cheapest way.'

'Does it look like we need internet-access?'

'I stopped to smell the flowers. Where's my inhaler?'

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

"Sorry it late. I forgot"

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

"I have this fantasy of everyone else in my life reinventing themselves."

'It's another sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week.'

"Which is the best variety for sitting around and eventually rotting because you don't even like apples, you just wanted to do something 'fallish'"?

Anti-war protestors ogling a woman with 'war' emblazoned across her chest.

Fountain of Youth and Fountain of Smart.

Public footpath on a desert island.

Love! - Peace! - "This is my corner, you @#!*!#!"

"Other than that, how did you like it?"

'Ladies first.'

'I collect exercise videos...Every evening I have cheesecake and hot chocolate while I watch them.'

"Ironically all the guys from the hunting lodge were on the 'Nice' list."

Those untraceable performance enhancing drugs you got me...I can't find them!

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'That's Kevin Hurley. He wants us to know he's an Eagle Scout.'

'Don't worry, you're not alone. There are millions of insignificant, boring, ineffectual people like you.'

"Perfect. Kate and Eli are suckers for bold graphics."

"Leave those,dear - I bought some at the supermarket."

'The food is horrible - it's just like being back home!'

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

'Tell me about your last job.'

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'I want you to go vegetarian.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."