Ironical Humor Lover Gifts

Pharmacist's diary - Staff shortages again!

"Surveillance camera 743 shows you disabling surveillance camera 742."

Diet Food...& lots of it

"Well, so much for the 'No Trespassing' signs."

"How will we work it off by taking the stairs? We work on this floor."

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"I wrote my thesis on 'Tears of A Clown: Irony or Paradox?'"

'...Sorry we're stuck on here without any food.'

'Being in here has finally cured my wanderlust.'

"Well, we'll either wipe off the third world debt or pay the contractors invoice"

Healthy eating centre - keep off the grease.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet.

"I tossed and turned all night."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Albert Einstein

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Winter Weather.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

The Hammer

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.