Ideological Juggler Gifts

Liberal me meets conservative me!

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Introducing...Anagraman.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

New Ideas in Business.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

'We have to be more innovative but not in an out-of-the-box way.'

"I, for one, do not enjoy these BYO agenda meetings."

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"No, you can't be a venture socialist, because they don't exist!"

"Is this your joke of an idea?"

'Well, technically speaking, we do have a conscience...'

"I appreciate you keeping up with the vernacular of the times, but please refrain from referring to the billion-dollar restructuring as 'The Dealio'."

Let's merge and cut out the middle man.

The Russian Circus

'I was so damn close to success when I created 'neckbook'.'

Sitting man.

'Where did you learn to sing in double-Dutch?'

"I unfollow people when they ask me to think for myself. I mean, who has the time?"

'Attack!'

Home/work masks.

Caution falling books

"Hungry" isn't a strong enough word for what I am. I'm … "hawngreh"! "Fascinated" isn't a strong enough word for what I am upon hearing that. I'm … "enthralled"!