Identity Jokes Lover Pillows

'Mr Smith! Great to meet you!' 'Mr. Smith! It's nice to see you!' 'I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Smith!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'He's wearing a toupee.'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'I assume that's a rhetorical question.'

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

"I'll tell you my gender if you tell me yours."

The Mr. Bates we know and love isn't in but you may speak with his doppelganger.

'You got the wrong guy. I'm not a guru, I'm a consultant.'

"I keep changing his ringtone to the sound of loud snoring. Now he knows what I go through every night."

"Which one of us is me?"

"It was a simple case of mistaken identity. Nobody's fault – I always carry more than one set of ID."

'What a coincedence! I actually have an identical twin brother who has the same name as you.' - 'No kidding? I have one who has the same name as you!'

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

American Toddlers vs British Toddlers

Name

'Of course I love you for yourself, silly, I couldn't care less about the thirty five million, six hundred and ten thousand, two hundred and four pounds and sixty eight pence in your bank account.'

Millennial

'Call yourself a pirate? Where's the parrot and peg leg?'

'I love how you're not like everyone else. Oh, sorry, I thought you were my wife.'

'I'm not a hawk or a dove. I'm a dog!'

"I finally memorized my bug number."

"I was born a doughboy but I identify as a crescent roll."

"Does this count as photo I.D.?"

'He's really into comic books.'

'The worst part about marriage is the unpaid overtime.'

"Could be just a coincidence, but that whining noise seems to stop when your husband gets out of the car."

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."

Redneck Wet T-shirt Contest

"Number three. Take off the hat and sunglasses."

'Do you have any identification other than the collar?'

'... But, you mustn't tell anyone that Daddy's a superhero.'