Identity Humor Fans Pillows

'I think I should tell you. I'm Fred, not Nellie.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Beer Parasol.

Winter Weather.

Tequila Mockingbird

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'