Icu Staff Gifts

Death in the red zone

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Multi-tasking.

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Busy office.

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'