Clinic Staff Gifts

"You're fifty-seven years old. I'd like to get that down a bit."

"The guy with the weird skin disease forgot to sign the privacy forms."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"You have natural causes.''

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

"Fill out the form and have a seat in the waaait... waaait... waiting room."

'Anybody fancy overtime...Lots and lots of overtime?'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

Abortion Clinic - Sorry We're Open!

'Oh no, not you again,'

Day two at the ...Brain Transplant Institute

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Multi-tasking.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'These are job perks.'

Dancing Doctor

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

In and Out Tray

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'