Hypocrisy Critic Pillows

'So, it's OK for you to go on and on about nothing, but as soon as I open my mouth, I'm a yappy little dog.'

"I'm liberal and tolerant. Anyone who disagrees with me should be allowed to choose his or her way of death."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

The Secret Sauce of American Exceptionalism

An election candidate giving contradicting promises.

Politically Correct Greeting Cards: Totally Blank

The Life Challenged Zombies.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"What do the know!"

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

This house believes that "No Platforming" is not an attack on free speech.

"I know you're angry at me - I'm angry at me, too!"

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

Government a la Carte

Balance Sheets in Space

Bashing french speaking Canadians just makes you look like a proper moron.

'My country, right OR wrong' 'My country, right AND wrong!'

Blues Music in a Litigious World

'Tell me if this hurts.'

Things are looking up!

"It's really the black whale I hate, but I didn't want to appear racist."

"I can't believe it! You got so mad when I wanted a tattoo! You said I should never deface my body!"

"Did you send your editor the final pages of 'Organizing Your Life'?"

Slug pellets used by animal campaigner

'You shouldn't call them 'perverts', it's considered offensive.'

The muse for letters to the editor.

"I'm totally in favor of monogamy. For everyone else."

'I know this is unfair, Rossetti, but that's what makes it fun.'

"Yes, but what happens if the ‘sniffling, sneezing coughing, aching, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-rest medicine’ makes me hallucinate?"

'This 'reclaiming' of pejorative terms has gone too far.'

'Political correctness has gone mad!' 'You mean psychologically challenged.'

"In a few years the marketing gurus will decide that the word 'Christmas' is not good for marketing, so I started introducing myself as the ghost of the holidays future."