Hypocrisy Humorists Pillows

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

Polly txt speak

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"She's a miniature."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.