Hypocrite Humorists Pillows

"I can't believe it! You got so mad when I wanted a tattoo! You said I should never deface my body!"

Polly txt speak

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Alien embryo growing in earth.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

The First Fire Stick

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

"He looks just like your husband."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

Why Superman flies himself