Hypochondria Gifts

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Stay away from Pigs.

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

"He's a hypochondriac."

'He's battling a twinge'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

The Hypochondria Times.

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."