Hypochondria Humor Gifts

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Thos are a lot of symptoms, Mrs Gruber. I'm going to refer you to the book of world records.'

"I'm not feeling so good. I think I've got long Covid."

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

"I think I'm coming down with something."

Hypochondria Hospital

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'I know just how you feel.'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'The good news is it's not bird flu.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'