Hypochondria Humorist Gifts

"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"

'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead but I came in for a second opinion.'

"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

New Dread: the magazine of undiscovered fears

'You're a hyposhondriac.' 'I've got that too?'

'Come back in three months because you're perfectly healthy which means a WHOLE LOT can go wrong with you.'

A man opens a medicine cabinet to find a bunch of doctors.

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

Manbola. Know what to look for.

'Your test results are in, Mr. Znarfendorg, and you seem to have Znarfendorg's syndrome.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

"Worst case of hypochondria I've ever seen."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I just come here to brag about my good health.'

I've got an imaginary stomach ulcer. - 'Why come to a doctor if it's imaginary?' - 'I thought maybe you could prescribe a placebo.' - 'What the..?!' - 'What does 'O.T.' stand for?' - ''Oxygen thief.''

"Another day, another good chance they'll find something hazardous to my health."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

According to the internet Harry's growth was a lucky four-leaf-clover wart.

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'

"He's a hypochondriac."

"Still fighting germs, Allergic Man?"

"It's strange you should mention that. Hypochondria's the only thing I haven't got."

"It's okay, it only thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"

"It's a common cold, Brian, it hardly warrants the googling of 'Assisted suicide' sites."

"We've got the results back from the testing. Turns out you're a whiney little sissy."

"My husband is such a hypochondriac, every disease I have he also has."

"It's a harmless placebo unless you count the side effects."

"I'd prefer if you didn't try to self-diagnose."

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"

'I think I'm probably a time wasting hypochondriac with nothing better to do than waste valuable NHS resources but I thought I'd come and get a second opinion!'