Hypochondria Enthusiast Gifts

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"It could be one of those things that crawls into your ear and lay eggs, and the eggs hatch and burrow into your – nope. It looks fine."

'Tell me about your hypochondria.'

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

Type A Flu.

'Excuse me, haven't we met before?'

'You're in perfect health, which, I'm afraid, is an early sign of something eventually going wrong.'

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Life is ruining your health.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."