Hypochondria Aficionado Gifts

"Well doctor, I've never had an illness in my life, so sometimes I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me."

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"I think I'm coming down with something."

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Life is ruining your health.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

'He's battling a twinge'

"He's a hypochondriac."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

The Hypochondria Times.

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'