Hypochondria Aficionado Pillows

"Well doctor, I've never had an illness in my life, so sometimes I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me."

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I think I'm coming down with something."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Life is ruining your health.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

'He's battling a twinge'

"He's a hypochondriac."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

The Hypochondria Times.

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''