Hypochondriac Aficionado Pillows

'Life is ruining your health.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"I think I'm coming down with something."

Hypochondria Hospital

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'I know just how you feel.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

Type A Flu.

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."