Hypochondriac Aficionado Mugs

'Life is ruining your health.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypochondria Hospital

"I think I'm coming down with something."

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'I know just how you feel.'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

Type A Flu.

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"Are you going to the doctor?"