Hypochondria Enthusiasts Pillows

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Uh-oh. . . Paper-cut!"

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Life is ruining your health.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

The Hypochondria Times.

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'He's battling a twinge'

"He's a hypochondriac."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"It's okay, it only thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"