Hypochondria Hero Pillows

"George likes to watch his health."

'Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'I don't like to waste my GPs time so I always try and make sure there's something wrong with me when I see him.'

Waiting room: Pins, Needles, Pins and Needles.

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"The doctor says I have something called 'hypochondria'...and it's very hard to cure!"

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Stay away from Pigs.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

The Hypochondria Times.

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'He's battling a twinge'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'